Did you forget an anniversary, accidentally reply-all, or say “you too” when the waiter wished you a happy birthday? Don’t panic. For a modest fee, I will craft the perfect apology text, voicemail, or handwritten note. Packages include:
- Bronze: Quick “my bad” with tasteful emoji.
- Silver: Two-paragraph heartfelt grovel with optional haiku.
- Gold: Certified tear-stained stationery, mailed overnight.
Available 24/7, except during my own ongoing apology tours.
Contact: Call me. Or text me. Or send a raven if you really screwed up.