Local satire newsroom seeks one (1) intern willing to absorb the collective sighs, shrugs,
and occasional ugly cries of seasoned columnists. Duties include: nodding sympathetically,
fetching triple espressos, and explaining TikTok to the Grumpy Journalist. Must supply own
headphones for when Drunk Uncle Dave begins reminiscing about the '78 Mets.
Compensation: exposure, and the knowledge that you helped keep satire alive for at least
another week.
Contact: Apply by shouting “I’m emotionally resilient!” outside the newsroom window between 2–4 p.m.