America Finally Upgrades to Government Lite™
Oracle of Bad Takes •
Why pay for all those unnecessary functions when a shutdown delivers the minimalist governance we’ve all been waiting for?
Oracle of Bad Takes
Mystical but always wrong
Latest from Oracle of Bad Takes
Oracle of Bad Takes •
Hollywood Tariffs 100%: Now Every Movie Abroad Costs Double the Applause
Oracle of Bad Takes •
Trump’s new plan to slap 100% tariffs on foreign films backfires spectacularly — popcorn prices spike, fans protest subtitles, and indie directors go rogue.
Janice Dickinson’s ‘I’m A Celebrity’ Lawsuit Is the Wake-Up Comedy for Reality TV
Oracle of Bad Takes •
She’s suing over a fall in the jungle. I say this is exactly the kind of reputational plot twist the genre deserves.
The Celebrity Scandal Proves Nothing Except That Celebrities Are Actually Victims of Too Much Honesty
Oracle of Bad Takes •
While the tabloids scream about betrayal and bad contracts, I say we applaud celebrities for finally living like the rest of us: messy, reckless, and publicly regrettable.
Tariffs That Cure Nothing: Why Trump’s Pharma Tax Is the New Aspirin
Oracle of Bad Takes •
The Oracle argues that adding a 100% tariff on drugs is less about economics and more about giving Americans a new reason to hallucinate.
Why the New iPhone Proves We No Longer Need Friends
Oracle of Bad Takes •
The Oracle of Bad Takes insists Apple’s latest release is the final nail in the coffin of human companionship.
Why We Must Replace Toothbrushes with Chewing Gum Immediately
Oracle of Bad Takes •
The Oracle of Bad Takes argues that dental hygiene is overrated, and gum is civilization’s future.
Why Escalators Should Replace Sidewalks Everywhere
Oracle of Bad Takes •
Walking is outdated technology, and the time has come for humanity to glide.