WASHINGTON D.C. — According to MarketWatch, U.S. business investment is back on the upswing, buoyed in part by generous tax cuts and a frenzy of AI spending. In boardrooms, CFOs are high-fiving each other. In my neighborhood cafe, I’m high-five’ing my barista over whether the foam is worth seven bucks.

The Corporate Party

Executives are crowing about “capital expenditure momentum” and “offsetting tariff shocks.” They speak of “durable goods orders rising 2.9 percent.” That’s great, as long as your definition of “durable good” isn’t my $12 tote bag that frays after one use. The companies signing mega-deals are doing well, we’re told. Sure. Meanwhile, ordinary citizens (like me) are offered the blessing of “trickle-down optimism.” I tried to catch some. It missed.

My Wallet vs Their Spreadsheets

Here’s the thing: when boardrooms rejoice, that doesn’t always translate to better deals for everyone. The tax cuts that spur capital spending also cut local revenue in many cities. Schools, roads, parks — you name it — absorb the gap. So while companies buy new robots, I’m buying express shipping for socks that never arrived.

Also: AI spending. If every company that claimed “AI will transform us” actually replaced a human, we’d have millions fewer people paying rent. But somehow, we’re still swapping beans and industrial real estate for slogans. (Yes, my toaster still doesn’t talk.)

Reality Check (From Ground Level)

Take Main Street. Several small shop owners I talked to said they’re still struggling. Their margins are tighter than ever; inflation, supply chain disruption, rent hikes—none of those got a tax cut. Some report business is flat. Maybe “investment strong” is being measured in Excel, not in foot traffic or actual customers.

One bookstore owner told me: “They say business is booming, but last week I sold fewer books than the guy selling NFTs of dog memes.” She’s probably right.

So yes, corporate America is toasting champagne. I’m raising my latte. We’ll see who has actual value at the end of the quarter.

Editor’s note: Grumpy Journalist’s latte had three pumps of syrup. He insists it was “worth it.”